I wanted to go back

After a year and a half of planning, I'm finally down to counting 13 days before departure. I went from being very moved by a friend's travel photo of a little orphan girl about 3 years old in a pretty dress. I wondered where she'd gotten it and assumed it had to be her most prized possession. (Since she possesses nothing but what she wears...and I mean nothing) I spent about a month haunting thrift stores for the very best little sundresses I could find. I cleaned and ironed them, sewed new buttons on them, sewed ruffles around the hems and then hung them on the canopy over my bed. They were what I saw last thing before sleeping and first thing when I woke up. Those were the good old days before I left the naive do-gooder phase for the harsh reality phase of the high dollar amount it costs to get anything, no matter how precious and pretty to Africa. Then facing the dollar commitment, it became clear there were other things much more precious that should be taken....like medical supplies and life-saving medicines. Then there was the phase where I learned much more than I wanted to know about the extent of poverty, genocide and hunger measured in incomprehensible numbers like millions of deaths and millions of orphans. I read that 20% of children under 5 years old die of preventable diseases like malaria. After reading statistics from World Health Organization, I went home overwhelmed ; I filled a glass of wine and ironed pretty little dresses. I bathed myself in pretty colors like pinks, yellows, lavenders, powder blues. I concentrated on little iron-on butterflies, ladybugs, flowers, and all the innocent details found on little girls dresses. I tried my very best to make the reality of Africa pretty and innocent. I think I wanted to go back. But I went forward instead and here I am ....13 days to go.

Pajamas

Today I heard back from Sister Augusta. It turns out her convent is in Butare, known to be the most beautiful town in Rwanda. Yesterday, it suddenly occurred to me that I was leaving in two weeks. Oh shit! I don't know. I must have just been in my happy place. Who loses track of when they're leaving for Africa? I do have the excuse I've been under the influence of cold medication. Yeah. That's it. I'm still worried about my pets but that is a vast reduction of my list of things to worry about. Except for some pajamas since most places have a bathroom down the hall or in the bushes. I wouldn't want to appear indifferent to fashion during my nighttime excursions. It also occurred to me I'll be BACK from Africa in six weeks! That's really weird.

Aid Worker Found Some Peace

How do I accept the limits of what I can do....even before I've experienced Africa first hand. I'm going to have to settle for taking far less supplies and medicine than I wanted to for lack of funds. But I realized that no matter how much I was able to do (even if I'd been able to bring the 10 bags I originally planned), when I get there it will feel like I'm spitting in the wind. So, the task is to spit in the wind and find purpose and satisfaction in the miniscule difference you can make. It will mean something to the kid that gets antibiotics that stops the heart valve damage that untreated Strep infection can cause. So, I let it go. I had my first peaceful day in several weeks on the couch with a good mystery book yesterday. I think I'm on to something.

Always a New Twist

I met with my amazing mentors/co-travelers last night. Always a great education and boost to my shaky confidence. There's a leg of our trip from Goma to Butembo before the 4 hours of switchback ground travel to the Tayna Nature Reserve. This Goma to Butembo is a flight in a puddle jumper (my personal favorite). Well, the luggage limit for this trip is 30 lbs! 30lbs? 30lbs?:( This means packing for a camping trip (except for the tent) Mosquito repellant, mosquito net for bed, travel size, toothpaste, sunblock. hand sanitizer. Flashlight and batteries, camera, toilet paper, soap, camera...you get the idea. It also requires the purchase of another smaller nylon duffle bag. 30 lbs? Never a dull moment!

How does an aid worker find peace?

Since I missed my deadline for the free medicine from a non-profit here, I requested local Goma prices for medicine I might purchase there. Since I received that list, I'm comparing it to prices I can get from another "discount" source and/or off-the-shelf Wal-mart type medicines. Lesson learned this week is: I need to really let go of MY IDEA of what I want to give. This is a greater task than most would believe. Because it takes highly compulsive dedication to stick with all this to begin with. It's like putting the brakes on a NASCAR when you really wanted to reach the finish line. The lesson is to be accepting of what I can't do compared to what I want to do. This feels like a very good discipline to develop before getting to Africa and seeing the reality and extent of the level of need. It will always be bigger and beyond my desire to fulfill it. So, how does an aid worker find peace? I'll have to ask the ones I meet.

Sister Augusta

I received an invitation to stay at a Rwanda Convent. All accommodation and meals in exchange for conversational English lessons. This gives me tremendous comfort to know I have a safe haven. I am so caught up in unsolvable problems and feel inadequate so much of the time.....that the task of speaking English seems so doable and within my capacities....Well, it's a great relief. (no pun intented)
Debi (my mentor and co-traveler) says the dorm availability in Tayna is now back to 7 days from 2 days. So, I'm back to going all the way to Tayna again. And she says the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund people are arranging our Visa from that end so I do not have to mail away my passport to their consolate this late in the schedule. I was getting a little reluctant to let it go. Now, I don't have to. Thank you Sister Augusta for the deep breath and relief I just felt.

Bought Airline Ticket....Commitment.

The ticket is purchased for departure date of April 9th. It means I'll arrive in Goma on Saturday afternoon the 11th. The countdown is now starting.